Today is the ninth anniversary of my husband's death. This is a sad day every year and this year it is weighing heavy. Thinking back on the tragedy of the day. Seeing him lying there and being unable to comprehend what had happened. For those of you that don't know, my beautiful husband died on Thursday, 01/11/01 at 5:00am. He was 43 years old and the love of my life, my soul mate.
..
His life came to a tragic end and I will forever be unable to comprehend it. You see, my husband died from a gun shot wound to the head. I remember hearing that loud bang. I was in the shower and thought he had knocked over an old glass hurricane lamp. When I ran over to him, dripping wet I had no idea I was standing in blood. I called 911 and they stayed on the phone as I tried desperately to get him to respond to mouth to mouth resuscitation. At one point I thought he was breathing, but it was only my breath coming back out.
..
The horrors of that morning are vivid in my mind.
..
When the ambulance got here I begged them to work on him. I told them I would, just to let me use their equipment. I remember the lead paramedic yelling at me "He's dead! He's dead!"
..
I didn't want to call the funeral home because I didn't want him to be dead. I even asked the funeral home guy to try to wake him up before they did anything to him.
..
When you lose someone you truly love it is difficult to deal with their death. When you lose someone by suicide you not only have to deal with their death, but how they died as well. They are two separate issues. I don't believe you ever get over either.
..
My husband had a traditional Cherokee funeral. They brought him home for the wake and I sat up with him for three nights. It was dreadful cold here, but we had his funeral out back. There were over 600 people here. Cherokee Nation brought us some tents and 250 chairs. I was told that there were people all the way around the house, in the front, sides and inside.
My husband touched many lives. His memory lives in me.
..
God and my Dad were my rock thru it and I would not be here today if it were not for them.
..
Love those you are around. Life is short!
