- Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice!!!
- I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights". I'm just very wise.
- I don't need anger management. I need people to stop bothering me.
- My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance to idiots that needs work.
- Even duct tape can't fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound!
- I'm going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do that second week.
- The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes" .
- Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?
- I don't trip over things, I do random gravity checks!
- The biggest lie I tell myself is ..."I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."
- If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.
- Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!
- Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet!
- Old age is coming at a really bad time!
- Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can & the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!
- Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
- At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.
my tweets for today:
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