Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Remembering my Husband

Today is the 16th anniversary of my husband's death.
As I was getting ready to type a tribute, I went back and read my post for the 10th anniversary. It's all still true... just more years.

I am going to share the January 11, 2011 post with you

Remembering My Husband,
My Best Friend, My Soul Mate.
Life goes by in the blink of eye.
Trust me.

As I sit here typing this tribute to my husband, 
I think back to ten years ago tonight.
That was my last night with him.
How could I know that it would be?
How could I love him so much 
and survive without him?

I had no idea that the next morning 
I would be facing the horror of my life.
Something that I see in my mind every day.
A sight that hurts me, even from my memory.
A wound that does not heal.

As time goes by,I can laugh about all the good times,
And Yes! there were many!
But it's the sight burned into my memory that haunts me.
I will never get over it.
You see, 10 years ago, my husband took his own life.

Suicide is torture and torment for all who are left behind.
Death and suicide are two different things.
I have tried to explain this and people do not understand.
You see, we all deal with the death of loved ones. 
We don't all deal with the suicide and the death of a loved one.

There is a hurt that is so deep within me. 
It's in a place that I can not access. 
I have no idea how to get to it.
I believe that suicide wounds your soul.
It's not intentional. It just happens.
It's bound up, in the love you have for them.


There are things in life we take for granted.
Don't let it be your loved ones!
Every day when my husband was alive, I thanked God for him.
My husband brightened my life.
He made me laugh.
He made me feel safe.
He listened to me.
He understood me.
He was a best friend to me.
He was a good husband to me.
Then, one day he left me...
You don't stop loving someone when they die.
I truly believe I love him more now than ever.
I got past spending endless hours at the cemetery.
I got past people asking me where he was.
I got through it...
 by the Grace of GOD!
HE carried me through....
(Picture "Footprints in the Sand")

~~~

Thank you for reading my tribute to the love of my life.
Now go tell yours that you love them!

4 comments:

Roxanne watercolorsnmore said...

Dear Jacki, with tears in my eyes. My heart HURTS for you!

ShadowDogDesigns said...

What a beautiful tribute, Jacki. I, too, have tears in my eyes. Just can'y imagine how hard it must be . . . Bless you, my friend.

PrettyGonzo said...

Thank you so much for sharing this tribute to your beautiful husband, Jacki. Love has steered your course through such pain and difficulty, and I truly admire you for that. Sending you a warm hug with healing wishes. xoxo

Butterfly In The Attic said...

So sorry for the pain that you are and have endured. Wish there were words that could lift some of this for you but there is none. Nothing can be said other than I'm sorry. Thanks for sharing, it is a very good and gentle reminder to all of us wives with good husbands.

As always you are in my prayers my friend
CC

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